What I’m Tired of Hearing As a Newlywed

“How’s married life?” is a question that my husband and I are asked almost daily as we journey through our first few months of being newlyweds. (Tuesday was our 4 month anniversary, but who keeps track of that stuff?)

Well meaning people want to know how things are going, but after months of hearing almost exactly the same response every time I answer, I want to start lying.

Quite frankly, marriage is amazing. It came with its adjustments at first. The first month was harder than I thought it would be: we had so much to learn.

But as the dust settled and we found our new normal, nothing could have prepared me for how amazing it is.

I love it. I love it from the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I go to bed at night. And I love it while I’m sleeping (my husband will disagree because I sleep square in the center of the bed with all the covers. I’m a queen).

My husband and I race home from work to see each other.

He makes me coffee every morning, writes little notes in my lunch and surprises me every single day with something new and sweet and thoughtful.

We listen to the Bible together at night before falling asleep and work out together. We grocery shop together because being apart for two hours feels like two weeks.

We both absolutely love our in laws and recently had my family AND his family together in our tiny little home.

Max can fall asleep instantly and this makes me anxious as I am trying to fall asleep. I worry he will be in a deep sleep and I’ll be awake for hours all alone with myself. Because of this, Max a lot of times will keep himself awake until he hears my breathing change. When he hears that I’m asleep, he lets himself fall asleep, too.

I love marriage.

But when I tell people this, 9/10 times, this is what I hear:

“Enjoy it while it lasts!”

“Oh, just wait until you have kids!”

“Get back with me in 15 years!”

“Ha! I remember those days!”

Ouch.

You know what though? I get it.

We are young and in love.

We haven’t ridden out the storms yet or put in our time.

We haven’t stayed up all night together trying to get a baby to sleep or worried about a child not coming home.

We haven’t had to make impossible lose-lose decisions about the future of our family.

We haven’t faced a life-changing health crisis together or sat next to each other in a hospital bed.

We haven’t had to live on one income yet or scrape by to support our family.

We haven’t slammed any doors or yelled or said horrible words out of anger.

We haven’t gotten bored of the mundane, the daily grind of work and home and life.

Right now, the mundane is paradise for us because we get to do it together.

We haven’t gone through the hard, impossible stuff yet. I know we will.

But let us be in love.

Let us serve each other with joy and celebrate every new week we are married.

Be happy that we can barely go a day without seeing each other.

After four months of hearing about how bad things will get and how everything will change after a few years, it makes me want to just answer indifferently. It makes me want to say, “Marriage is okay. It has it’s ups and downs, but you know how it is.”

I know that the rainclouds are coming. I know there are storms ahead.

But right now we are building the foundation of the safe house to weather those storms.

We are building up those sturdy walls of trust brick by brick. We are deepening our friendship and our love with every new day.

Each day we grow stronger and more resilient, learning to be a better team together : learning what is a reasonable time to eat dinner and a reasonable bed time (5:00pm and 9:00pm respectively ).

Each day we learn what sacrifice means. Each day we learn to put each others’ needs in front of our own.

Listen, I’m not naive when I tell you marriage is amazing. I know full well that there are deep waters ahead.

You don’t need to remind me of that.  We knew what we were signing up for when we said our vows.

There will be sleepless nights. There will be buckets of tears cried. I know.

But right now marriage is fun. It is new  and exciting and every new season that comes brings a fresh list of “first times.” Our first pumpkins on the porch. Our first bonfire. (Still waiting on this one if you are reading this, Max.)

So please, when I tell you marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me, just smile. Tell me how wonderful it is to hear that and how blessed I am to have a Godly husband. Pray for us as we enjoy the season that prepares us for the next.

Marriage is amazing. I live with my best friend. He takes care of me better than I ever thought possible. It’s a love I never dreamed of having.

 

So right now, I am going to get giddy with excitement when I think about taking fall walks around our neighborhood holding hands.

I am going to count down every day until Max finally lets me decorate our house for Christmas and talk obsessively of where we will put the Christmas tree. (This is one point of disagreement in the marriage).

Let us enjoy it.

Let us live in this love right now so that one day when the rain comes, we can look back at this season of light and love and laughter and it will pull us through.

I love being married. Please don’t try to change my mind 🙂

xoxo,

Jenna

Are you a newlywed or oldywed still crazy in love? 

Jennawiley@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. srmpu83 says:

    Sweet Jenna… so BEAUTIFUL!!! And you know I can honestly say I love you both SO VERY MUCH!!! And being a very proud mother-in-love to my amazing daughter-in-love is my heart’s DELIGHT!!!
    ❤❤

    Like

    1. jennakay says:

      I love my mother-in-love ❤

      Like

  2. Carol says:

    This is beautiful….so very happy for you (and I sincerely mean it) ❤

    Like

    1. jennakay says:

      Thank you so much, Carol!

      Like

  3. Lena says:

    Yes!! I love your perspective on this season being the foundation laying. At almost 8 years in, the little things we started on our “honeymoon” (we had a week at home before his work started back) are still going strong. Not all of them. We have 3 kids and 4 miscarriages under our belt. A few cancer scares, and financial worries that left us breathless… but he graciously wakes me with a cup of coffee in bed everyday. I gladly help him with the yard work. We are a team. You are not at all naive in this post. I would say, quite the opposite. Your wisdom is refreshing. Blessings to you!!

    Like

    1. jennakay says:

      Hey Lena, thank you so much for your comment! It sounds like you guys have packed in a lifetime in 8 years already! It has been so much fun connecting with other married people and realizing it doesn’t have to be doomsday approaching! ha! If any of our honeymoon phase things stick around, I definitely hope it is the coffee one as well 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Anonymous says:

    I love that you are in love and pray it never changes for you! It may be different but all the ups and downs you will do together. I have been married 30 years and still feel as you do about my hubby!! I am sad for those that feel they have to say that and cannot be happy for the wonderful moments and sharing of your joy right now. Smile and ignore is what I say. Everyone is different and has their own baggage that may affect how they react.

    Like

    1. jennakay says:

      You are so right about the baggage people carry and how that affects their view/perspective/feelings of marriage. And it is so encouraging to hear that you are 30 years in and still so in love. Thank you for your comment and perspective!

      Like

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