I have put on a few pounds since my wedding.
It doesn’t come as a surprise to me that I have put on a little weight, because before the wedding I was involved in awful, unspeakable things like working out 6 days a week and eating healthy almost every day.
I would get up before the dawn of day and work out in my 3rd floor apartment living room.
My neighbors below didn’t need alarm clocks for that season, as the sound of my plyometric squat jumps, or as some might say, a herd of stomping elephants, welcomed them to another new morning.
As I said, it comes as no surprise that my pants are tight. I lived my best life this summer and I have no regrets. Well, mild regrets. I think I had more donuts those three months than I had had in my entire 26 years.
In all seriousness, working out and eating healthy are clearly not bad, but for me those two things are either happening to the extreme, or not happening to the extreme.
I am the queen of the short term diet. With an impending major life event happening, I put myself on a restrictive diet and see that final date as the end point.
People talk about a “balanced lifestyle” when it comes to eating and working out, but I haven’t quite yet figured that out for myself. I love to go all in either way. Eat like I’m a nutritionist for the elite Hollywood stars, or eat like I need the calories of an Olympic athlete (without the training).
On November 9, I have my yearly physical. I will have to face the scale. While I don’t think I am fat, I can’t say getting on a scale is a pleasant experience for me.
Historically, now would be the time I put myself on a restrictive diet in preparation for this doctor’s appointment.
This would work for a handful of hours until I caved and binged the first chance I got. Then, since I ruined it with a giant slab of chocolate brownie delight, I might as well treat my body like a dumpster the rest of the day and “start over” tomorrow.
I know if I focus on my date with the scale in 7 weeks as a goal, I might achieve it, like I did for my wedding, but then November 9 will come and go and I will throw all caution to the wind and gear up for a great eating season. (Eating season runs from when Halloween candy first gets put out until after all the discount Valentine candy gets sold late February.)
If I continue following this track, I will put myself on an extreme regimen until my doctor’s appointment, binge eat until March and then do it all again for my “summer body.”
It is exhausting.
I don’t feel good. My body doesn’t feel good and neither does my mind. It is clearly an area of my life I have fought for control over, obsessed about, and had to hand over to Jesus for over a decade. (don’t worry, I’ve had therapy #lol #butseriouslyihave).
So here I am at a crossroads. In less than 2 months, I will do something I try to avoid at all costs: step on a scale.
Short-term goals are great sometimes, but what this heart, body, and mind need is a long-term goal that focuses on balance and overall health.
I can’t say I can snap my fingers and make this switch. This new long term goal is complex, with so many layers that it will take time to unpack and form new habits.
There are mental, physical, emotional and spiritual components to this new long-term approach. Some I have started to work through, and others still need some unpacking. But before I go on another diet, I want to make things right in every capacity of my being. Truthfully, I would prefer never being on a diet again unless I get my own talk show and my camera man can’t get good angles.
The great news is that I have an ever-present, loving Savior who wants me to live a life of freedom in Him, a supportive, patient husband and the best friends and family in the world to keep me grounded and remind me to fix my eyes on Him and not that stupid number on the scale.
But mark November 9 in your calendars; I could use an encouraging text 😉
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I’ve transformed my life from over 200 lbs to 120 lbs, starting to learn the best way I can help others now. ❤