Your Heartbeat is My Favorite Sound: A letter to Sami’s baby

Five weeks ago, I wrote this letter on my lunch break with no intention of ever publishing it. It tells a story that isn’t mine to tell. It was the day before her appointment. The appointment. The appointment that would tell my sweet friend if her baby still had a heartbeat. After multiple losses, deep heartache…

In the Wandering

They say (well, technically J.R.R Tolkien says) that “Not all who wander are lost,” but this is usually not true for me. Most of the time, when I’m wandering, I have no idea where I am. Maybe this wouldn’t be detrimental to someone good at directions. Maybe there are people who can wander far away and…

No Matter Where You Are On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s 2009: Went to Pizza Hut on a double date, saw “He’s Just Not that into you” and promptly broke off the relationship the next day (got back together 5 days later) Valentine’s 2010: Young and in love- Went to a banquet where no dancing was allowed so we just took pictures   *As I…

When God Closes a Door, He Can Do More Than Open a Window.

I don’t particularly like the saying, “When God closes a door, He opens a window.” As someone who has walked face-first into many of her own doors (both figuratively and literally), I find this line a little depressing. Because my doors have been really pretty. My doors have had some really awesome stuff behind them, just waiting…

A Letter to Gram

Hey Gram, On Thanksgiving night, you watched me blow out the candles on my 25th birthday cake. As soon as the song ended and I closed my eyes to blow them out, you exclaimed, “MAY THE LORD SEND HIM THIS YEAR!” My husband. My future husband. You asked the Lord to send my life partner. (Thanks a…

I don’t know how to wait

If patience is something you are supposed to acquire with age and maturity, the train missed my stop (I probably got sick of waiting at the station and left before it arrived.) I got older, I matured, but I never became patient. On the way home from the grocery store recently, I ripped into a…

Apartment 4

Early this afternoon, I climbed into what looked to be a 150 foot U-Haul truck with keys in my hand. Concerned civilians in the parking lot looked at my friend Sami, who had dropped me off there, and I heard them ask, “How far does she have to drive that thing?” One overly buff 60-something…

He is faithful: Reason 1

Part 1 of an unknown number of Reasons for my hope in Jesus Christ  A few months ago, I wrote a blog post titled “When you have to look back” in the midst of the most painful and darkest time of my whole life. I was so blind with grief, heartbreak and sadness, that I…