My Husband’s Jeep

Last Thursday we said goodbye to my husband’s Jeep. We traded it in and bought a “Mom Mobile” for me.

My husband Max will pull the ultimate “Dad Move” and now drive my 2013 Honda Civic for the great gas mileage and trusty reliability.

The new mid-size SUV is safer and the right move for us with the upcoming arrival of our daughter in June.

The new car is sweet. I am so excited – I can already picture all the drive thru’s we will frequent together and the curbs I can now cruise over instead of hit and ricochet off.

The backup camera is better for not hitting the trash cans on Thursday mornings and if I had a phone that could wirelessly charge, that would be a perk too, but #iPhone7.

There’s a panoramic sunroof for awesome selfie lighting of me and my future little passenger. There are even built in baby blinds in the back. I mean, c’mon.

It’s exciting – but I sobbed as we pulled into the garage after picking out our new car.

We were returning the next day to trade in the Jeep and drive the new one home, and I cried as we were about to get out of his Jeep and walk into our house together for the last time.

Whether it’s moving to a new house, starting a new job or getting a new car- these life changes always slow me down and force me to reflect on the transition. It doesn’t hurt that I am also one for theatrics, so weeping into my husband’s coat as the garage door closes behind us is totally on brand for me.

It doesn’t take a psychologist, though, to know it’s about way more than the Jeep Wrangler. Getting rid of the “fun car” and buying our new family car was really a big deal for me. My emotions have been all over the place during my pregnancy, but I have specifically dreaded the moment of letting his car go.

As we pulled into the driveway, we talked about the Jeep.

The summer drives with the roof off and yelling over the wind to each other so we could hear.

The trek from our wedding to the airport with “Just Married” tacked to the front with flowers and glitter.

Watching his Jeep pull in the driveway from the road when I am waiting for him to come home from work.

The time before we were dating where I convinced him to skip Bible study lecture, take the roof off in the middle of February, and fly down the highway.

Driving to our first date listening to the same song on repeat.

The way I’d look for his Jeep in the parking lot at church, hoping he would be at Bible study that night.

The sand permanently in the mats.

The Jeep was a part of my husband when I fell in love with him, and is in turn now a part of me.

During this pregnancy, I have held both the excitement and eager anticipation of welcoming our baby with some sadness as I let go of the life Max and I have known together for almost three years.

I have been hesitant to share or write about my pregnancy at all, because in many ways I felt like I have done it all wrong. It’s scary to share about these contradicting emotions – joy and sadness- because I would never want to seem ungrateful, or worse, unwanting, of this little life I carry.

I know that what I am experiencing is a blessing that many dream, pray, and cry for their entire lives.

How dare I struggle with the very thing that someone so deeply desires?

I don’t take it lightly- I am both overwhelmed with gratitude and overwhelmed with the magnitude of the change coming soon.

So when we said goodbye to my husband’s Jeep, it was symbolic for me.

It really felt like we were saying goodbye to the part of our lives that everyone told us to cherish and savor – and we were.

Our lives will be different when we bring our baby girl home in our new family SUV.

And different is hard for me.

Our summer isn’t going to include any highway miles with the top down.

Our summer probably won’t have many spontaneous weekend trips where we load up the bikes on the back and take off.

This summer will likely have more spit up than fro-yo runs and more diaper cream than sunscreen.

I’m sad to say goodbye to my husband’s Jeep- but every sticker on the back window holds a memory we will never forget. The trips, the wind, the 4 wheel drives during the snow storms, the ice cream spills and up north miles on back roads- this sweet stage of life is where we learned what love is.

This stage was so, so sweet. It was just us- growing together, growing in love. but I know the upcoming years will be sweet in a way I can’t even imagine.

There will likely be times I yearn for the carefree Jeep days, but I know when we hold our baby girl and put that carseat in the sturdy Mom-Mobile, we won’t be able to imagine life any other way. Baby girl, I might have a few things to work through still, but you’re the only thing that matters now.

Here’s to his Jeep, all the sweet moments we shared, and the sweeter ones in store.

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Jeep selfie after we worked through our first dating conflict. Yes, I remember it.

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The first stop in the Jeep post wedding- Starbucks!

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