I don’t know what it is about Instagram, but I can’t trust myself with it.

Albeit embarrassing, I will admit that I have downloaded, deleted, and re-downloaded the Instagram app on my phone about 40 times in the last year or so.

If my husband sees me scrolling (when he knows I deleted it 3 days prior), he will say

“Another trial run to see if you can handle it?”

And I will tell him “It’s different this time! I can control myself!”

It’s not. I can’t.

On a recent trial run, (yesterday) I thought maybe I could hide the app in a separate folder making it harder for me to access. (Harder as in 2 extra taps) Tried it. Didn’t work.

I barely post and don’t interact much at all on the app. I don’t have an “instafamily” that I have grown to love and get to know virtually.

No. I have this borderline worrisome obsession with like 6 accounts of girls I have never talked to before, in real life or online. And the funny/worrisome part? I am simultaneously annoyed with their accounts and don’t even follow them. I just silently check them 14 times a day to see if they posted. I’m like the online version of someone three streets away with binoculars.

Instagram makes me think I care about things I don’t ever care about. The latest Kardashian news. Types of parrots. 120 ways to contour your makeup. Recipes for your food processor (I don’t own a food processor.)

I search and I scroll.

And scroll and scroll. And scroll some more.

Hours wasted. Life passing me by. Scrolling.

After a relapse with Instagram, when I re-download it and think I can handle it in small doses, I feel drained.

Staring at pictures somehow drains the energy from me. It feels relaxing at the time, but when I put my phone down my brain hurts and my eyes are sore and I have wasted another 35 minutes.

Social media addiction/obsession is a prevalent issue in our society, but for me, it’s literally just Instagram.

Stinkin’ Instagram.

Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat: non issues for me. I check them when I have some free moments, but in no way do I feel addicted or controlled by them.

What is it with this app? How does it suck me in?

I’m not a photog or a foodie. My account is private and has little to no activity. But I’m totally addicted.

I’ve tried many things, but the Insta-Power is too strong for me.

As much as it would probably be best for me to delete my account and move forward Insta-gramless in life, I have this tension as a blogger to want to share my posts on social media. If I want people to read what I write, I need to share it. And to share it, I need to post it. And to post it, I need to have an account.

Ah, my dilemma.

For now, I cancelled my latest trial run. I was knee deep in a celebrity’s dog post and decided that once again, I couldn’t handle it.

There is life to be lived, dinners to be made, clothes to fold and sleep to be had.

I am hopeful I will somehow find a balance where I can enjoy the app in moderation, but for now, I’m signing off. Until my next trial run.

If you have your social media usage under control, please share your tips and tricks with me!