24 days ago I got married.
As we left the reception, Max and I buzzed through Starbucks and I got a free iced coffee because I was in my wedding dress.
I’m not above pulling this stunt again.
17 days ago I moved into the house that Max and I bought together. It’s small and adorable, decorated mostly by the generous people in our lives that showered us with love (*presents*) before our big day.
His parents bought us a cute patio set with porch pillows and a bonfire pit set up on a base of beautiful red bricks. Coming off of his parents’ heels, my parents bought us this adorable 3-seater rocker bench for our backyard. It has an awning to block the sun and pretty red cushions. It’s actually starting to feel a bit like an outdoor decorating competition between them and I hope it never stops.
Last night, Max and I stocked up on tons of candy at Target (sorry if you got us a Target gift card for the wedding…we spent some of it on Raisinettes and Reeses Pieces).
We watched Captain America: Civil War. I had Max stop the movie every ten minutes to explain the backstory to me and I sat on my phone during every fighting scene because they bore me to tears.
I asked him to explain the IronMan trilogy to me as we were falling asleep last night.
I’m obviously in a bit of a Marvel phase.
We are healthy and in love, and while marriage has come with its adjustments and tough moments, we are so happy.
We are still in the stage that Max thinks its funny and cute that I don’t screw on the caps to any of our jars and I flirtatiously tell him he really shouldn’t hit snooze until 6:30 if he sets his alarm for 5:30. I’m sure this phase will last another 20 years.
Life is good.
God is good.
But I have to be honest with you.
It is harder for me to write when things in my life are going well and the blessings are abundant.
Who am I to write about my life when I’m on the mountaintop?
I don’t want to blog about how #blessed I am with my new Wifey mug and expensive coffee maker that I still feel guilty about registering for.
Many people have commented to me that I haven’t written in awhile. Trust me, I know. I miss it deeply.
However I fear that writing about my joy and happiness could isolate others.
Who wants to hear about how well life is going from someone whose childhood version of a “trying time” would be when we had to use bread as a hot dog bun?
It scares me to write about great joy when others are in pits and valleys deeper than I can even imagine.
I have been following the cancer journeys of young, beautiful, mothers with precious babies that need them. Doctors are telling them they are dying yet they force a smile and carry on with bravery.
So much pain. So much suffering.
How can I write about the goodness of God in my life while others face pain and hardships that words cannot describe?
I guess the answer is this:
If God is good now on my mountaintop, He will still be good when I enter my deepest valley.
God’s goodness does not change, although circumstances do.
So if God is good now while I stand on the peak of this mountain, I have to have it hidden in my heart that He is not good because of my circumstances, but because of who He is.
He is not good because I am happy.
He is not good because we are living comfortably and planning a wonderful vacation.
He is good because He is God.
The reality is, we have a lifetime of unknowns ahead of us.
Lurking in the corners of those unknowns lie some moments of what I’m sure will hold heart wrenching grief and deep valleys.
Will He still be good then?
If the diagnosis comes?
If the accident happens?
Will God still be good?
God is not good because of the ways He has blessed me in this season. God is not good because of my cute new house and even cuter husband. He is good because He is God and no matter how much our circumstances change, that fact doesn’t.
So if God is good now, He will be good then.
I think I can shout about God’s goodness and faithfulness from the rooftops now, but more importantly, I need to be willing to shout about His goodness when I am no longer there.
I don’t know what Max and I will face in this life. No person wants to walk through suffering; we all would want to avoid any tragedy, sickness or pain.
But chances are, we won’t.
And if you are walking, crawling, weeping through a dark, desperate season, hold fast to the goodness of God. These circumstances make it seemingly impossible to see the purpose in the pain or the hope that glimmers in our darkest mourning
When we don’t understand, when our heart break: He doesn’t fall off of His throne.
In my opinion, one of the most important things we can do as believers is remind each other of this: He is good and seasons are temporary. This life comes and goes like a vapor. But we hope in His goodness: whether we are singing from the mountaintop or clawing our way up the side of our darkest valley.
Help me remember this in moments I may not be able to say it as confidently. And I’ll continue to try to help you.
I have had this song on repeat for approximately 6 months and had it at our wedding. I like to go right to the 7 minute mark.